


the wretched and joyful (shaking the wings of their terrible youths)

by terrae



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Charles Xavier Needs a Hug, Erik Has Feelings, Erik Lehnsherr Loves Charles Xavier, Fantasy, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medic!Charles, Minor Injuries, Poor Erik, Soldiers, Stitches, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:02:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21720631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terrae/pseuds/terrae
Summary: Charles is married off to Lord Erik, but he falls for Logan, the swordmaster instead. As the years go by, Charles realizes he does have feelings for Erik, but they are much more different than the ones he has for Logan. He wonders how this can be, until war is upon them and it feels like his problems are not as big as he used to think.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Erik Lehnsherr/Logan (X-Men)/Charles Xavier, Logan (X-Men)/Charles Xavier
Comments: 11
Kudos: 32
Collections: Secret Mutant Exchange 2019





	the wretched and joyful (shaking the wings of their terrible youths)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Akasanata](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akasanata/gifts).



> I have mixed feelings about this piece of writing: I'm proud of it because I haven't written fic for months, but I also apologize because this was a bit rushed. I had to deal with university (still am) but wanted to participate in the exchange and gift something to Akasanata because they write beautifully!
> 
> Please tell me what you think and feel free to point out any typos.
> 
> Title is from the song, Angel Of Small Death & The Codeine Scene by Hozier.

Charles was married to Lord Erik Lehnsherr of Genosha at eighteen to strengthen ties between the Lehnsherr and Xavier families, two of the most influential families in their respective kingdoms. It was a wedding that inspired poems and ballads, but those who wrote them needed only to look meticulously at the young man’s eyes, which, contrary to popular belief, were not on the lord but on his swordmaster. 

Charles met Erik two weeks before they were married off. He had never left Westchester, but he was told there would be plenty of time to get to know Genosha. After all, he would spend the rest of his life there. He met Logan ten months after the wedding and it took them less than a week to find themselves together in bed, speaking of promises and alternate realities where they could make promises more loudly. Logan was gentle with him in a way Erik was not, but that wasn’t to say Erik was rough. Erik preferred to show Charles what he meant to say, for he wasn’t too good with words. He kissed Charles on the spots he liked most and as much as Charles encouraged him to say anything, he always blushed and seemed to turn angry at himself for showing the least bit of emotion. Logan liked to speak; in bed, he told him stories and kept him entertained and when they were entwined in each other’s arms, he told Charles that he was gorgeous. 

The young lord didn’t act his age, and even if Charles called him out about it, urging him to lay down his father’s mantle and enjoy life and make mistakes, Erik remained dutiful. 

“I’m going to save the world. It’s my duty,” Erik would say. 

Then the opportunity presented itself and Erik’s wish was granted. 

The war was declared between Genosha and a neighboring kingdom ruled by Essex, ten years into their married life. 

Erik had to fight, and so did Logan and Charles couldn’t stay in the comfort of his own home while the two men went out to defend the kingdom. So he enlisted in the royal army as a medic. In hindsight, he was glad he made that decision, because a month into their journey to the battlefield, they suffered an attack which cost them the two other medics they had, and only Charles was left. He spent the rest of the day treating soldiers, and by nightfall his bones ached and his thoughts were in disarray. Out of the wounded soldiers was Logan, but he insisted he could hold on until Charles was done with ones whose wounds were more grave. Charles knew this wasn’t the only reason Logan wanted to wait; he wanted to have the most time with Charles before he had to go back to Erik’s tent.

*

“Charles? Shit. You’ll have me worry about you. You all right? You look forlorn.” Logan’s voice brought him out of his reverie and he blinked, then shook his head and continued to stitch the wounds on Logan’s back.

“It makes sense to worry,” he said absently. “Besides, I need something to keep me busy. What if the enemy had--”

“Don’t. We’re safe for now. They would be fools to do this again knowing that we’re prepared for them this time.”

Charles nodded, but the images of the wounded, screaming soldiers dying in his arms were hard to shake off.

Logan frowned, his hand reaching to grasp Charles’ to lay down the thread and needle. He turned around and stroked Charles’ hair, looking down at him with the same eyes that had stared at him in awe the first time they lay together. “Hey, you’re safe. You made it through today, I know you can make it through this war. Just... think about after, when we defeat those pricks. We can all go home and I can fuck you whenever I want.”

Gladly melting in Logan’s touch, Charles leaned in and let the man’s strong arms wrap around him. His cheek was to Logan’s bare chest and the man’s steady heartbeat was a comfort to Charles’ ears. “You can fuck me now. Don’t have to wait to go home.”

“I don’t trust you to keep your mouth shut. And I love to hear you shout my name,” Logan grinned. 

Charles had to admit that Logan was right, but he grumbled all the same. “I just want this,” he mumbled, and before Logan could say anything else, he pulled away and slid off his tunic before climbing in Logan’s lap and wrapping his arms around the soldier’s neck, letting their skin touch. They didn’t speak, for Logan knew Charles needed to feel something solid against him after days of traveling and hiding from the enemy, and Logan needed to feel like the world was not lost yet.

Their embrace was cathartic, and they almost fell asleep. Actually, Logan was sure Charles had fallen asleep after he had transferred them to the bed and lay down, for Charles was quiet, his chest rising and falling heavily. Unfortunately, though, they couldn’t stay like this for longer; back home, it was easy to disguise Charles’s long absences by saying that he was in the library, or having tea with Raven but he was in Logan’s tent and no matter how much the soldier terrified people into staying away from his private place, any urgent matter would have another soldier bursting into Logan’s tent. 

Much to his chagrin, Logan shook Charles awake – who insisted he wasn’t sleeping –, then gave him a kiss and joked about getting injured again so he could have Charles for a longer period of time. The latter, Charles wasn’t thrilled about, and Logan apologized.

Charles made his rounds once more, thinking he had been smart to end his rounds with Logan so that they could have the most time together. When he went back to his tent, he found Erik who looked like he was pulling at his stitches that he had done earlier.

“What are you doing?”

“I was trying to take a look. You do a fine job, but it itches.”

“That’s normal. You’re not really supposed to prod at it,” Charles pointed out. After five years together, it still amused Charles the look that came across Erik’s face when he was given orders: a mixture of surprise and childish indignation.

“Do you want to take another look to see if it needs changing?” Erik asked and it was hard to deny him his request, even if Charles knew the stitch was fine.

His assumption turned out to be correct, he didn’t hesitate to tell Erik, “I just did it this afternoon. Stop fidgeting and it shall remain intact and not leave a scar. God only knows that this is not the first set of scars you’re going to get.” He didn’t look too happy and Erik knew. 

He invited Charles to dinner and though the latter was exhausted, he shrugged and sat down.

“You spent too much time in Logan’s tent, was he wounded that badly?” 

_There_. There it was: the real reason why Erik had him come close and his guard let down. It wasn’t the first time they had been over this, but every time Erik made no move to explicitly state what he truly thought.

Charles could have dismissed it but he said, “He needed more time because of the many wounds he acquired. I heard he tends to charge right at the enemy without thinking about it. He figures it out as he goes, which is needless to say not recommended. I don’t want you doing the same.”

Erik had stopped eating and was staring at him. At first, Charles pretended not to notice and continued to eat. Until Erik started to speak again. 

“What happened today, that was close. But I don’t know if we are going to be lucky again but we need not dismiss the possibility that we could be bested at any time. The enemy is clever.” 

Charles nodded, resisting the urge to flinch when Erik reached for his hand. “We will be ready. You and the others are going to lead us to victory.” 

“You think I don’t know? After all this time?”

“I don’t know what you mean, my lord,” Charles asked, letting his bread fall onto the plate. He extracted his hand, staring at Erik. The sharpness of his eyes had remained, but there was no longer the fervor that Charles could identify a decade earlier. 

“Don’t doubt my intelligence, Charles. We could die any minute and you’re still lying to me.”

There were a few eternal minutes of silence. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, looking away. Erik had to know, he must have known years ago. “I’m sorry if I hurt you, I never wanted to.”

Erik muttered under his breath, likely a kiss as he moved away to stand by the fire. “I know. This is what’s painful. I wasn’t supposed to fall for you, and I certainly wasn’t supposed to continue loving you after I found out…”

“Shhh,” Charles stood, making his way over to Erik and bringing his chin in his hand. He leaned in and kissed him, hating how Erik responded eagerly, but drew away a minute after, likely too embarrassed about his own weakness. “You’re a good man. You’re too good for me.”

“I just wanted you to love me. That was foolish.”

“I _do_ love you. But I love him, too. I can’t help it.” He had _tried_. “I love you in ways and I love him in others, and perhaps that means there is something wrong with me, but I don’t know what to do. I was so afraid of hurting you, Erik.” 

Erik sighed, pressing his forehead to Charles’. He was shocked after Charles asked him why he hadn’t left him yet, or sent Logan somewhere where Charles wasn’t. 

“He made you happy, I could tell even before I found out. I wasn’t going to let you be miserable because I couldn’t give you your right to be happy. I’m not mad at you, Charles.” 

“Like I said, you’re too good. I wish things were different, I wish I could be for you.” 

Something flashed in Erik’s eyes and he shook his head meekly. “I love you, that much I can’t help, so can you find it in your heart to love me, next to him?” He looked - for the first time, Charles could see - afraid, like Charles held power over him, and Charles rushed to kiss him again. 

“I think we can make it work,” he said with a smile, his heart fluttering in happiness. “No. I know we can.”


End file.
